In fifteen years

Where do I want to be in 15 years?
So it was my friend's sixteenth birthday on Friday and we all went to Yogurtland for (free!) yogurt and then we went to a concert at the old firehouse. And while I was leaving, when the guy handed me my coat, he asked me if I was driving home. And I said "Nah, I'm just 15."
And then on the way home I realized that not only am I 15, but in 15 years I will be 30. Like I will be totally eligible to use an anti-aging cream, because I'll be 30. And if the show Thirty and Flirty is still playing on TV, I can no longer think to myself that the characters are old.
And you know, 15 years is not a long time. I mean, I've already done that and it really doesn't feel that long at all. So when I was going to sleep and trying to distract myself from how much my feet hurt (#oldlady), I thought about fifteen years down the line, and how I imagine my life to be.
About two years ago when I lived in India, the life I wanted was pretty similiar to the one of so many people who surrounded me, and similiar to the one I had growing up. I wanted to live in a small house, with maybe five rooms. I wanted to have a big family, with my parents and my husband's parents, like three children and cousins and friends dropping by all the time. I wanted to work in a hospital from 8-3, hopefully be at a comfortable financial state where my kids could go to DPS, and have a car, and retire when I'm 60 and tour India.
But things change. Over time, I've found the many many MANY cracks in the surface. Big families don't really work. And by moving me to Seattle, my parents basically ensured that that dream will never come true. I'm comfortable here now. This is my place now.
Now I have a new dream. I want to be living in a city, like New York or California, but the more subarban part. Maybe even Seattle, I'm not sure. I want to be working in a business or a bank, but a similiar 8-5ish job and earn money. I want to adopt kids, probably from India. There are so many children out there who deserve a home and don't have one. Why add to the population when you can help the children who need love and guidance more than anything else? And whenever I look at other people and see bad qualities, I tell myself to never be like that. When I'm a parent, I want to be the kind of parent who actually gets it. So many Indian kids out here basically hide their whole lives from their mom and dad, just because Indian parents live in this stupid bubble that they're still in India. And they're not. They have to realize that their kids are growing up in a COMPLETELY different environment. They have to be okay with boyfriends and school dances and understand the concept of privacy because I can guarantee, either their kids are just going to go ahead and do all those things and worse on their own anyway, or they're just going to end up resenting them . I see it happen all around me, and when I grow up I don't want to be that kind of parent because I don't want to have this "false" relationship with my kids.And I have alot of personal and professional goals in life. I don't know what career I'll pick, but I want to be good at it. I want to wake up in the morning and truly WANT to go to work. I want to earn enough money to provide a good life for myself and my family, and at some point, I want to do something good for the world with that money. When I was younger, I used to talk big things, about digging wells or working at orphanages. But I've come to the point where I've realized that with money, you can do so much more for the world, and make a much bigger impact. And personally as well, I think alot about the kind of person I want to grow up to be. My favorite quote of all time is - "Be the kind of woman that when you get out of your bed and put your feet on the ground, the devil shivers and says "oh no, she's up."" I want to be someone who is powerful, both professionally and personally. I want to be someone who understands the value of money, but knows that it neither brings happiness nor love. I want to be someone who's well educated and well read, who knows what's going around her, both in the community and in the world. I want to be someone who can represent the whole globe without ever having to leave her city. I want to be someone who is emphatetic, brave and kind, who can understand other people's problems, but doesn't try to carry their burden on her shoulder.

Dang, that's a lot of stuff for one post. But on a lighter note, last night was so much fun! I hope y'all have a perfect weekend:)

My biggest fears

1. that I won't get into any good college and I'll end up having to live at home and go to WSU and become a high school English lit teacher assigning papers due the day before spring break and taking like a year to correct a multiple choice test.
2. that there'll be some huge rumor at school circulating me
3. On a more global scale, sometimes I'm worried that China will get sick of the Taiwanese refusing to accept their government and invade them and because USA has a protection treaty with Taiwan, it would basically be World War 3.
4. that I'll go blind.
5. that for whatever reason I'll wake up in the morning and the internet will be...gone
6. that either one of my parents will become my principal
7. I'm worried about picking a career at 17 and then waking up 10 years later and realizing that I hate it.
8. that I turn into a crazy Indian parent who puts unrealistic pressures on her kids, makes big deals out of miniscule events, and does not UNDERSTAND the concept of privacy
9. that I'll walk into homeroom and my blog will be up on the screen
10. that Contagion really will happen

Women Power

Today, Julia Pierson was the first women ever elected to direct the SS. Women are making their mark everywhere. Yay! Girl Power!

"Oh you're in America? Life is so easy."

So last night I was videochatting with a friend, and in India right now they have board exams so she was telling me about how much she was working...and how lucky I was that I lived in a place where nobody worked.
So if you, like me, go to high school here, you know perfectly well how untrue that it. We have to balance everything!
"Oh you're so lucky, you can drive."
Yes we are lucky. But its not just a privilege, it's also a priority. We don't have drivers! When I come home from school if I had to stay late, I have to take the city bus. And that's not very fun! And to drive, you have to go to Driver's Ed- which ontop of everything, is ALOT of work.
"Oh you're so lucky, the SAT is easy."
It's easy because it's meant to test a different type of skill. Doesn't mean we don't have finals or tests or tons of memorizing to do. No actually, it means we have to cultivate yet ANOTHER skill over the period of time. And the perfect score comes with a ton of work! It mens SAT classes over the summer, which in fact, many kids pay for themselves.
"Oh you're so lucky. I've seen the movies. High school is fun."
I have one word for you about high school. Bitches. High school is bitchy. One day she's your best friend. Then she makes out with your boyfriend- now she's a slut and you're a loser who doesnt have a best friend OR a boy friend. Or you get asked to homecoming, but you're mom doesnt let you go. Then suddenly, your the bitch for not going with like the nicest guy in the world.
"Oh you're so lucky, school must be easy."
School is NOT easy. Nowhere is it easy. School is hard work. English is hard work. It's papers and thousands of depressing books and serious hours spent hunched over a laptop. Maths is hard work. Every class becomes hours of studying, all to get into a college which still wants community service and extra curricular stuff from you.
And there are some VERY real issues that we're ALL dealing with it. Even if you're not going through it yourself, you have a best friend who is, and her pain breaks your heart. Even if you might not have to deal with it, you're surrounded by people who do. Divorce. Anorexia. Pre-marital sex. Drugs. Suicide. Rumors.
People need to stop putting America on a pedestal. Life isn't easy anywhere.

College

I honestly cannot wait for college.

School

As of today, I have to write a paper about the inclusion of trauma in literature, solve about a dozen pre-calculus problems, read an 11 page article about bioluminescence and write a synopsis, study for an Accounting test, compose a list of things in subjunctive for French, and create a graphic organizer that displays the effects of socialism in the independence revolutions of Southeast Asian Countries.
And try to get some sleep. Somehow.
It bugs me when people say "Why are we doing this? We're never gonna use this in real life." So sure, if you're gonna be a barista at Starbucks, you might not actually use these things. But if you're gonna be an architect, you're gonna use trignometry. If you're gonna be a doctor, trust me, you'll need your bio stuff. And that's just the literal stuff. What about application? Learning how to problem solve. Learning how to write. Getting comfortable with a different language. These are all skills that intelligent, hard working people use in their day to day lives.
School does have some use after all huh?

When you grow up

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The most common answer of all time- I don't know. The only problem: I'm running out of time. I have to find some direction in my life. Without a real purpose, it's hard to be able to figure out where exactly my future is heading. I toyed with the idea of being an attorney for a very long time. But when I really sat down and thought about it, I decided it wasn't the best idea. An attorney's lifestyle is difficult, and its not what I want for myself. And I know my grandfather really wants me to be a doctor, and I truly believe that helping people is something important, something I definitely want to do with my life, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I want to be a doctor. Biology is not my favorite class. I find living things fascinating...but not so fascinating that I want to study it for the rest of my life. And I honestly don't think that I'm smart enough to get into med school. I'm not trying to ask for compliments. It's true and I don't want to invest thousands of dollars and years of work for something that most probably will break my heart.
I think I want to do something math related. Math is my favorite subject. Math and history- but history isn't something that offers a lot of careers. Math is about numbers. Number are consistent. In every parallel of the universe, two and two make a four. Another class I take sixth period is accounting. I love accounting. I love marking transactions and I love being able to see what numbers can do. I think that I want to go into a field to do with economics or business or engineering.
But then again, I am a teenager. My mind could change any time.

Pope Frances

Big news in Vatican city! A new pope has been elected- Pope Frances. I was reading an article about the issues he wants to adress now that he's been given this post. He wants to stop Christian oppression, racism towards other religions, housekeep the Vatican, and what I found interesting; try to make Christianity a more liberal way of life. This is pretty controversial, and I'm not Christian so I can't say much but I think that this will be a HUGE improvement in the world. See, I notice things. I notice that the majority of gay guys (I'm not being politically incorrect or anything. I have gay friends. And they dont really like the term "homosexual".) at my school are atheists. I also notice that people tend to shun away from the idea of religion, or religious people and that they openly think the Bible Studies Club is weird, whereas if anyone ever openly called the GBLC at my school weird, they would be called horrible, old fashioned, and be avoided like the plague. These are all different way of life! One is not better than the other.
I don't pretend to be the most open-minded girl out there. There alot of things that I'm still not sure I'm comfortable with, and there are alot of ideas, that to be honest, I don't accept. But I would never NEVER judge anybody for their ideas or beliefs. There are two sides to every spectrum. It's not a good thing for religious people to judge atheists, but at the same time, it's not fair for atheists to judge religious people. While straight people should never judge gay people, gay people shouldn't assume that being gay gives them a sympathy liscense in life. While majorities should respect minorites, majorities deserve an equal amount of respect.
I get that these are strong statements I'm making and not everybody will feel comfortable with them. But like I said, you don't have to be comfortable with everything! Just respect and don't judge.

Rest in Peace

"She had the voice of an angel. She was so smart, so nice, so pretty." One of my best friends told me this about her. She. She was a student. A 15 year old student who went to Issaquah High School. She was my age. I might even have seen her at the Issaquah-Redmond football game, or maybe at Costco, or at the mall, or on the street. She may have been a part of the background of my life- I don't even know. All I know is that in 2013, during the last week of February- she took her own life.
This is the second suicide I've posted about on my blog and it's the fourth one that's been commited by a high schooler in my discrict, just in 2013. Given that I belong to one of hundreds of school districts in Washington alone, hundreds that are filled with pressured and bullied kids, over any span of time. Those statistics are frightening.
Did you know that the average American high schooler in 2013 (this is average, mind you. This doesn't count the kids taking 6 AP classes a year, quarterbacks who need the scholarship to go pro, or the one girl who eats her sandwich on the bathroom floor) is as stressed as a psychiatric patient in the 1950's? What does this have to say about our world? Our society.
She gave up her life because of bullying. Cyber-bullying- which in my opinion is the cruelest form. With cyber bullying, the bully doesn't have to deal with reactions or emotions. It just requires some typing and a click. I cannot stress this enough. PLEASE DON'T LET YOURSELF BE BULLIED. You are beautiful. You are amazing. And most importantly, you were put on this planet with a purpose; to touch lives, to make differences, to cause reactions. Nobody and Nothing can take that away from you.
Rest in Peace Claire Shen.
But I will not rest in peace. I will constantly, every day, smile at strangers in the hallway. I will watch what I do online. I will try to make myself an approachable person; someone who people can come to. And I will constanly encourage other people to do the same.
He gave up his life because of pressure. Because he couldn't deal with the amount of hard work and constant worries that he had to put up with to make it in this horrible Hunger Games we call high school. He didn't want to recieve a rejection letter from a college, or see a dissapointed look on his parent's face. The truth is that I don't really know. All I can hope and pray is that he can rest.
Rest in Peace.
But I will not rest in peace. Throughout my life, I will make myself strong so that I can handle the many, many rejections to come. I will be there for other people when they face rejections of their own, trying to somehow share their pain. I will try and try, until I succeed, to create an environment around me when in the end- grades and school and pressure will not matter- all that matters is being true to yourself, and being true to other people.
R.I.P victims.
I will not rest.
I will fight my own and other people's battles.
Each and every day.

Learning stuff from movies

"It's a trip you know. You imagine your life as a kid and you never stop to think that it might not turn out that way."
This is one on my favorite lines from Love and Basketball mainly because of how true it is. Two years ago I would never have imagined that this is what my life would be like. I would never have imagined that I would be going to high school in America. I would never have imagined that I would love to run. I would never have pictured myself taking a metro through Redmond to get home or going to football games or taking an Accouting class. Not that any of these things are bad, or that I'm not happy with how it all turned out. They are. I love the metro and meeting people on it even though sometimes I get scared of the people who're drunk or have too many piercings. I love football games even though I understand bout one fifth of what's going on- just that when the cheerleaders are jumping, I'm jumping. I love Accounting even though the loooooong list of numbers can be daunting. It's just that this was never the life I imagined for myself. I had plans and they never really worked out. I had A plan which will never really work out now.
I guess, it's time to make new plans. Just another piece of the countless wisdom I get from my hours watching the same movie over and over:P

Worrier

I like to say that I'm both a warrior and a worrier but the truth is that I am always leaning towards the stressed out side. My nails are constantly bitten off from worry, I'm always breaking out from stress and because I run and eat when I'm worried- I'm pretty much either running or eating in my free time:P These are all the different things I have to worry about-
1. My grades- honestly, the grades thing never goes away. I don't know when it stopped being for my parents and started being for me but the pressure and the fear of a B- will always be there.
2. An SAT score- 2400, 2300, 2200, 1800, 250 and BAM your life is over
3. My looks- I'm not- or atleast I try- not to be superficial but the truth is that every teenage girl cares about her hair and her eyebrows and her cheekbones no matter how much she denies it. So a good part of my insecurities go towards my outfit, or whether my foundation is blending, or whether my hair's breaking out into frizz.
4. My friends- I worry alot about other people. I worry about my friend's problems- with their families or their grades or whatever really.
5. Whether or not we're gonna have World War 3- Laugh all you want but when we study the world wars in history I always thank God that I wasn't alive during that period of time so I really really REALLY don't want to think about what that would entitle for out world and for me in general.
6. Whether Spencer or Toby will end up together on Pretty Little Liars or not- what can I say? They're meant for each other.
So seeing all this...I'm thinking I should get into yoga or look at the sunset more or buy a stress ball if  don't want to have a heart attack by age 40.

I hate those girls who walk around with a stick up their ass and their nose in the sky. High heels may make you 5 inches taller but they sure as hell don't make your personality any bigger. Wearing halter tops that push your chest out don't make you beautiful, they make your boobs a mile infront of your back. And having quickies in every closet in the school doesn't make you wise or better, it just makes you a slut.
I'm sorry hon, it's the truth. Next time- don't dump your crap on MY land.

Lemonade

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I'm sick of making lemonade. I'm sick and tired and over with being positive. Being positive gets you nowhere. What's the point of thinking about good things when you're in a bad situation. No matter what you're thinking, you're still in a bad situation. In fact, you should stop wasting your brain space on rainbows and sunshine and fluff and start thinking about a way OUT of your situation. I don't know about you. If being positive works for you, I'm VERY happy for you. But it's done for me. I'm going to stop being optimistic and start being realistic. Which means I'm gonna dump that lemonade out and start having reality checks for my meals.

Love and Basketball

My FAVORITE movie of all time. Love and Basketball always cheers me up. Happy endings are just the best. Not to mention a certain fiiiiiine Omar Epps in his prime time showing off the kind of abs that could cut glass. Sigh. It's perfect!

Favorites

1. Favorite "I'm in a bad mood" food- cake pops from starbucks
2. Favorite way to relax- run
3. Favorite movie of all time- Love and basketball
4. Favorite subjects- Math and history
5. Favorite way to unwind- Doing my nails and biking in the woods
6. Favorite song to listen to- Thrift Shop by Macklemoore
7. Favorite place to cram- On the front porch, especially when it's raining
8. Favorite color- any shade of orange or peach
9. Favorite TV show- Lipstick Jungles and Glee
10. Favorite book - The Host

Background

As you see I changed my background. Why not haha!? Things get boring after a while and the all black scheme made people think I was goth. Which I'm not. I'm the most un-goth person there ever was! Most of my clothes are in orange or white- I mostly listen to top 40 music, not angry punk- I do NOT believe in the joy of death- and the only ink I have on my body is a heart in Sharpie my friend drew on my wrist. Ergo, (yes I've been taking SAT classes, so behold the amazing vocab) I am not goth- so this is the most un-goth background I could ever find.

Princess Nima

If I was a princess......I'd buy one of those really huge plots of land, like as big as Rhode Island basically, and turn it into a full on track field with jumps and dives and all that. I'd buy out Forever 21 and Free People and I wouldn't even bother to go vintage shopping- vintage shopping will come to me. I'd get one of those cooks they have on CutWeight who can make you four cheese ravioli with like zero calories. I'd buy all the pairs of boots I want, without worrying about the cost. I'd get one of those machines where you can literally press a button and lip gloss comes out; like on Lipstick Jungle. Life would be... perfect.
REALITY CHECK. I'm no princess and sorry son, but if you're wasting your time on MY blog reading about my crazy rich girl fantasies, then you sure as hell ain't one either. Life sucks. Moving on. Speaking of which, did you know this crazy lady in Russia fulfilled her own rich girl fantasy by marrying her boat? I mean....actually I dont know what I mean! There is nothing to say about that. Like can you imagine? There are like a thousand bad jokes running through my head right now! "Honey I could riiide you all day long. Honey, you're the rowboat to my dreamy life. Honey, you're abs are so smooth, they feel like water!" Ok so maybe coming up with boat themed pick-up lines isnt my biggest skill. Sue me. I dont understand some people. I mean, I guess it could be a peaceful life, but it sure as hell would be boring. Speaking of boring, I'm in history class and we're reading about facism. Actually, I find forms of government fascinating. It's weird to think about living in a place that's not democracy, but I guess when something is all you know, that's what you want for yourself. Okay I gotta go, I have to take a quiz. Wish me luck!

Nima's brain

"Herpes are the gift that keep on giving." First thing my AP bio teacher said today. Hard to get that out of my mind. Pretty Little Liars was on yesterday!WHO KILLED TOBY??? I should watch it when I go home. Should I take the bus home? Nah its raining and I don't want to get racoon eyes. I'll just get someone to drive me home. Jesus I can't wait to buy a car! For which I need a job. QFC's hiring. Ahh but who has the time? Between homework and whatnot. Whatnot. That's such a weird phrase. Why do I use it so much? Who knows? God knows! Oh sheesh...I need a haircut. Split ends. Do we get split ends in our eyebrows? Is that why they don't grow like down our face? Eeewwwww.
Welcome to my brain:)

Sex, alcohol, and standards

So today at lunch my friend mentioned that her step-mom had never wanted to marry a man who had a child, and ended up doing just that. So we started talking about the kind of people we'll one day want to marry. Now I'm not trying to sound judgemental, but the fact is that America's not the best place to look up to for a successful marriage. I think around 50% of my friends parents are either divorced, separated or previously divorced. Not to mention people whose parents were never married to each other, people whose parents have open marriages, and people who are products of one night stands or affairs. The sad fact is, I know at least one person who falls into all the above. And I think the problem is that people have no standards. I mean, my friend said "I think I'd accept anything in a guy as long as he's never been in prison." And another person said"Actually, it depends what his record's for...I mean underage drinking or thest is ok." Hello!!!???!!! What is wrong with this picture? The fact is, that there are certain standards that I hold myself to and I expect that one day I'll find someone who's the same. And wipe off that "it's impossible" look on your face. It's NOT impossible. My parents found each other. So did my grand-parents. My cousin found his fiancee. I know parents of friends back home who found each other. It's important to find somebody who's like you. Me, for example. I will never drink. I don't want to be in a state of mind where I'm not fully me. I mean let's get real, y'all, we're all pretty awesome. There is nothing in that beer bottle that could possibly add to that. At the same time, I will never have sex before getting married. I know three kids who are alive because of a high school romance between "soulmates" and lots of hormones. The sad fact is that college, real life and a crying baby came along- and the soulmates were separated forever. And not in a romantic way like Romeo and Juliet. And things like jail and drugs? It just goes without saying that those are NOT in the picture. These are standards I hold myself to, and if everyone else expected better of themselves- we'd have a much better country.

Time

Things go by so fast dont they? It feels like yesterday I was stressing about finals. Now finals are only three months away! It feels like I was just wishing for a tolo date. Now tolo is tomorrow!( AHHH SO EXCITED). Either way, my point is that waiting anything out will lead to a new situation. Time is flying by. I was just a freshman. Now I'm a sophomore. Soon I'll be a junior. It's hard to believe! Sometimes I wish things would just slow down. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time.

UW

I want to go to UW- University of Washington. Granted, alot of people haven't heard of it but UW is one of the best medical schools in America. It's close enough to home that I can come home some weekends but not so close that you know....I actually have to live there. The campus is breathtaking. Because it's my home school- I get a pretty substantial home-scholarship. I'm a HUGE huskies fan. And again, because it's my home school, there's a pretty high chance that a lot of people from my high school will go there which will definitely be fun. Honestly, I can't wait for college. I can't wait to begin with the rest of my lives- more importantly, I can't wait to get away. I'm an Indian girl living in America as a first generation immigrant. What that means is that I have a TON of rules. My curfew is 9:30. There's a no-boyfriend, no late parties, limited amount of sleepovers, and constant pressure from every direction clause in my life. For me, college means the end of that. Thank the lord.